James Bond Fans beim Europäischen Patentamt

Seitdem das EPA mit Google zusammenarbeitet, wird Espacenet immer cooler. Heute habe ich dort folgende James Bond/Skyfall inspirierte Geschichte gefunden, die ich hier im Volltext reinkopiere, damit sie uns für immer und ewig erhalten bleibt 😀

Espacenet presents:

The headquarters of PI5 were located in a nondescript building down an unobtrusive side alley leading off one of the city’s main thoroughfares. The premises were fronted by a bright white, chrome and stainless, glitzy modern hotel which provided an ideal cover for the intelligence activities going on in the dingy edifice behind.

M was in the office early that morning and, unusually, was at his desk before his secretary, the efficient Geldpfennig

M was worried. The previous evening, he had had some disturbing news over the encrypted phone from Pond, who was returning from a dangerous mission. Pond refused to give all the details and M wanted to get to the bottom of it.

M’s finger jabbed at the intercom button as soon as he heard Geldpfennig enter her office, through which all visitors had to pass if they wanted to speak to him.

„Geldpfennig!“ he barked into the mike. „As soon as Pond gets in I want him and Q in my office.“

„Yes, M,“ replied Geldpfennig, taken aback at his abruptness.

„There must be something wrong, I hope Jason’s not in trouble again,“ she thought.

Jason Pond was one of PI5’s best secret patent agents (Geldpfennig thought he was THE best. She worried about him when he was on mission, and was always relieved to see him back safely). Pond was a member of the elite corps, cross-licensed to thrill, and one of only approximately 18535 entitled to the D07 classification .

That morning Pond was returning from a very dangerous mission, in which he had saved the world (again) from a dastardly plot to destroy the planet.

Pond had had the usual violent encounters with brutal thugs, and evil plots masterminded by twisted cat-loving geniuses. He had survived the mission, and was simultaneously exhilarated, exhausted and relieved.

And very, very angry.

„But maybe it wasn’t all bad,“ mused Pond as he steered the specially equipped Aston Martin DBS off the main street and pointed it into PI5’s dismal subterranean garage.

He remembered with affection the camaraderie he had developed with the opposite side’s secret patent agent, Bunny Aplenty. At first they had been sworn enemies, but then, as the mission progressed, Bunny changed allegiances. Pond recalled the evening they had just shared, gazing into each other’s eyes and sipping vodka martinis (shaken not stirred).

Pond shook himself out of his reverie, parked the car and switched off the powerful V12 engine.

Now he was angry again and he wanted M and Q to know it. He was angry because of Q, more specifically because of Q’s inventions.

The Aston was packed with death-dealing technologies, anti-aircraft guns , immobilisation devices , and so on.

In the past, Pond had relied on Q’s ingenious gadgets to support him in his missions, and even to save his life.

Pond recalled the watch with the hidden camera , and the selfdefence spectacles with a wire-tapping function .

But this time Pond had a big issue with Q. He stormed past Geldpfennig’s desk without so much as a sideways glance, and burst into M’s office without knocking. Q was already there.

„Now then, D07,“ said M soothingly. „What seems to be the trouble?“

„He knows exactly what the trouble is,“ Pond retorted furiously, pointing an accusing finger in Q’s direction.

„What … what … what ?“ spluttered Q, “ I haven’t the faintest idea what you’re talking about, Pond.“

„You know damn well, Q. The helicopter, the getaway helicopter.“

„What about it, Pond?“

„After we set the explosive to destroy the enemy’s base, Bunny Aplenty and I had to get away quickly, and you had told me that in case of trouble the getaway helicopter was fitted with ejector seats …“

„Of course, Pond – a safety feature.“ „But don’t you understand, you stupid boffin? If Bunny and I had had to eject, and that was quite likely with the evil thugs chasing us, we would have been chopped into little slices of salami by the rotors. That’s why they call it a chopper! I could not take the risk of hurting her and myself, so we had to use the one-man rocket pack instead, with Bunny hanging on to my feet. We only just made it,“ he finished angrily.

Q allowed himself a smile of relief as understanding washed over him.

„But Pond, of course I’d thought about that, what do you take me for? You would both have been safer in the helicopter even if you had had to eject – my ejector seats eject sideways.“

Pond’s flow of invective was halted. He paused a moment, somewhat mollified, and thought to himself (to himself, mind): „Now that’s intelligence.“

Any similarity between characters in this story and persons real, imaginary, living, dead or otherwise employed by the EPO is entirely intentional.